Talk:Flicker/@comment-7410018-20150904074644
~spoilers~ 1: All right, so right away the main character is interesting, and that's because she was stealing, but was also helping Leo and wasn't necessarily mean-spirited. Characters that aren't clearly good or bad are my favorite kind. I feel that maybe you wrote Lux to be a good character who steals, but the way it comes off to me is that Lux's morals are kind of ambiguous, and that's more interesting. And she seems smart too, since she so easily stole that mouse. There was a lot of good character development in just that one section. I felt for Lux when Leo betrayed her, but what got in the way was not knowing the terms or the world in this story well enough. I feel like right away you instantly have the cats talking about all of these different terms and places without any exposition really, and it's kind of confusing, and you have to put the puzzle together yourself. 2: For some reason I thought Lux was a boy up until this chapter when she was referred to as "she". To be honest, I don't know why I thought that, maybe Lux just seemed like a masculine name to me? 3: Learning that Ricky is a somewhat decent cat was interesting, and I knew right away that he was going to be the love interest. As the story goes on, I notice that Lux is really a Robin Hood type character, for the most part breaking the rules for the greater good. I also really like the scene in which Lux confesses that she was the thief. It's one of those cliffhanger scenes in which you just want to get to the next chapter to see what happens. 4: I thought that her time in the cell was a little bit rushed. I know that it might be boring to write scenes where she does basically nothing in a cell, but if it was a little bit longer and with more descriptions it would capture the effect of Lux slowly going insane better. I don't know, but I'm still confused about the terms a little bit? I had them more figured out by this chapter but in my opinion a little more exposition would help. That or I read too fast. You know, I thought I wouldn't ship Lux and Ricky because it was too obvious, and I was tempted to ship her with Leo, but I think LuxXRicky has grown on me. Ricky would at least be nice and loyal to her, I think. 5: The description of the Fire Range was great, it wasn't until then that it clicked for me that it was a volcano. That's a really creative idea. All of my stories just take place in a forest with maybe a large rock or a tall tree as a special landmark, not something as interesting as that. 6: There's not much of this one yet so I can't say much other than I was surprised when Leo said that He murdered a cat. And your writing pace throughout the whole story was almost perfect, it rarely came off as slow or choppy or rushed. So yeah. I'll stop talking now. ~end spoilers~